Your wedding is something your mom dreamed about ever since she found out she was having a little girl. After all, her mom planned her wedding, so she gets to plan yours right?? Uh Hello, this is the 21st Century. (Sorry Mom!) Brides and even Grooms are taking over the wedding planning, or some are hiring a wedding planner rather than turning to mom. But that doesn’t mean you have to cut your mom out completely. After all, some brides’ parents are still footing the bill for the wedding, and in that case mom should definitely be somewhat involved.

Through planning my own wedding with my mom and seeing other brides interact with their mothers, I’ve learned a few tips along the way. So here are a couple ways to keep mom involved, without over-stepping boundaries and without hurting feelings.

Find out how much she wants to be involved in the very beginning. Don’t just assume, ask. Lay it out in the open. Maybe she wants to be there for every decision, but maybe not. She might surprise you and just say she wants to be able to give her input for the guest list and budget. Once you know how much she actually wants to be involved, you can decide where to go from there.

Be honest with her from the beginning. If you want her there all the time, tell her! My fiancé is away at training and not really in to the wedding planning, so my mom has done just about everything with me, while still letting me make the decisions. If you only want her there for moral support, be upfront with her about it, instead of leading her on and then not answering her calls when your heading to a meeting. Nothings worse then messing up your relationship with her mother for something petty like that.

Speak up. If your at an appointment and she starts to take over with her ideas and input, speak up, but do so in a kind and respectful way. Let her finish with her thought (I’ve made the mistake of interrupting way to many times) and kindly tell her you appreciate her input and you’ll keep that in mind, but that you see it differently. Then explain what you see.

Don’t let it be about the money. When it comes to the guest list this is where you have to step in. If you want a small intimate wedding, give her a limit and don’t let her exceed, even if she says she’ll pay for the extra people. Explain to her that it’s not about the money, it takes away from the small intimate feel.

Say Thank You. She’s your mother and you should cherish every moment that you do get to spend together. Be thankful that she is even supportive of your marriage. Let her know that you’re thankful.

Every girl has that special connection with her mother. And although at times you will get annoyed and upset with each other (trust me!), she will always be your mother and you will always be her daughter. You will always have that connection, even when your married and a mother of your own (heck, hopefully we’ll understand her better by then!).

Don’t take away those years when your mother becomes your friend.

Kacie